Six Packs crying hoarse !

Truth be told. Once upon a time I was an owner of those wonderful six packs.( No,this is not an April Fool Joke,Seriously). I loved it so much that I decided to hide it below layers of fat, for God knows how long. When still young they were there for all to see, not any more.

Then, one day, I look down and there is a little bulge above my waistline. What's that, I wonder? Where did that come from, and why is it there? I don't like it, so I go to the gym or for a run or cut back on Chocolates and ice cream. But still, those pants that fit last summer are so darn tight. It must be the dryer, I say to myself, damn that shrinking cotton. Or maybe there are tiny creatures in my closet that sew my clothes each night a little tighter. No matter how hard you try they have a life of their own.Stubborn.The bulge gets larger and larger.

And in the hurly burly of the daily life routine I almost forgot all about them. Poor creature (Six packs).I should have taken proper care of them and should have shown them the light of the day. And now, those six packs of mine have started crying hoarse. They have put their foot down and are screaming and shouting ad nauseam.

”We’ve had enough of it,' they surmise, “You don’t expect us to stay there hidden below your layers of fat for all time to come. We have a life of our own which we would like to flaunt too.’

Now this was getting out of hand, I thought. I've tried sit-ups (doesn't work), yoga (nothing). Maybe one of my friends would know what to do? (They didn't). Maybe Oprah had the secret solution? (Nope).

I sought wife’s advice as to how to go about it: “Avoid walking towards the fridge more often, for all I know that walking more often to fridge is not considered as exercise “

Okay.Point taken.Next.”You should not make your own tea first thing in the morning!

But what has the morning tea got to do with my fat around the girth? I ask of her.

It’s not morning tea that is harmful, but the trouble is the moment you take that milk out of the fridge and then you see that malai , there lays the trouble. Again seeing that malai is not harmful, but the problem with you is that you eat it too..That is why I say you should not make your morning tea”

Damn. Now I know where that SATAN called FAT resides…In my fridge and specially in that malai.

You know I have developed this phobia for weighing scales too. Now there are people who would just hop onto the weighing scale without much ado, even after a seven course dinner and still weigh 500gms more or less. 

And when I step on the scale. I do so lightly (no pun intended). I need a proper emotional preparation before I embark upon a weighing scale. I cross my finger,say a small prayer, wear the lightest of clothes, remove my shoes, If I could temporarily donate a kidney, I would, so that the weighing scale does not tilt too much towards the right. But to no avail. And I always come down cursing the scale!!

Be still my beating heart. Where’s my nerve tonic? “Things are not bad as you assume. You will make it. All is well, All is well” I murmur.

I then seriously resolved that enough is enough.

I started calling shots and explained it to the bulge that I am not taking it lying down and it should know who the BOSS is. The Gym timing was considerably enhanced.(I would even sleep on a treadmill if need be). Walks to fridge cut down by almost half. The morning tea sans malai was the order of the day. The trick seems to be working. Showing VISIBLE results.

One reason for my more than reasonable shaping up is also attributed to the month of March, an examination season when Junk foods are avoided so that the child does have all the healthy food and in my case specially it was the March Fever, where in you are suppose to do the LUNGI DANCE. Paying taxes and balancing accounts kept me so busy that food was the last thing on my agenda.

Now having shaped up let me wallow a bit in my new found vanity and flaunt till it lasts.May be taking a couple of Selfies will massage my ego.

Having gained that tag of healthy(errm),now if only I could figure out how to be wealthy and wise,life would be really good.

Until such time please bear with my stupidity.!!

An Open Letter to the Citizens of Japan,Adopt our PM !!

My dear Citizens of Japan

We are told that you have a notorious record of having a new PM every year (almost)

Take the unusually long tenure of Junichiro Koizumi (2001-2006) out of the equation, and 14 Prime Ministers have lasted a total of 17 years.

And how many PM has Britain had in the last 30 years since 1980? And the answer is only 5.

We are told that the strength of Japan’s political dynasties is a major driver in the almost annual procession of weak, mostly forgettable figures in and out of the country’s highest office. Because many politicians inherit their positions, they are not forced to cultivate leadership skills or learn to win popular support.

That You refer to the sons of the rich as obo-chan – and it’s a phrase that’s been thrown at the most recent quartet of short-lived prime ministers, who many felt were out of touch with ordinary people.

Going through the above it almost seems that when it comes to Politics ..It’s almost same …Be it India or Japan…

We are told that it is the “Powerful Press” and a vibrant and ever agile society in your country that would take absolutely no nonsense lying low…Which means you have within your society an Anna Too many..

But the purpose of my letter today is not to find fault with Japan...The land of Rising Sun...

The purpose of this letter is to advise the People of Japan that Post Tsunami and other disastrous Nature’s fury that you face every year (or should I say every day) with religious regularity even we as Indians feel that your Resilience has stretched a bit too far…And changing Prime Minister every year or so is taking its toll too…

We in India have a Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh…The Economist Par Excellence ‘

Since you have an economy which once was “Shining “ and is now in Dumps and in Quagmire which possibly even the most diehard optimist won’t be able to pull it out.

Why not use the services of our PM? (Dr ManMohan Singh or MMS as we all fondly call him)

We the People of India have decided to “LEND” (Or For Forever keep sake if you may so Like) you Our Reverend Prime minister...He can really work wonders with your economy…He has Rendered Yeomen’s service to our Nation.

If You see India’s Growth story growing at 8 % and Shining and Clamoring its shoulders with your Irritant Neighbour China It is all because of this ONE MAN ARMY (Don’t ask about the Inflation and BPL card Holders) You as a country who have not seen Inflation since God Knows How Long (Being Recession/Deflation Infested) and BPL you won’t care since it is India Centric Semantics’ which I am sure You Japanese could do without..(The growth faltered post 2009,thanks to lots of scams that u too have in your country in abundance)

His another greatest Trait is That He is Silent…and I am told the Japanese are a silent lot also...Years ago a friend of mine told me that it is difficult to read a Japanese’s Mind …I am sure he fits your bill Perfectly..

He has not opened opened his mouth even for ordering snacks and drinks without asking Sonia G.(In your case you have your dynasty too)

His Third Trait “Always in Submission to the Dynasty he Serves”Now since your Prime minister is appointed by the Emperor of Japan after being designated by the Diet from among its members, I am sure he will be the most suitable Candidate. He can do wonders when It comes to serving under the Dynasty...No one can beat him in this game of ‘SERVITUDE”

His fourth Trait: He would not even once look back and see who the hell is shooting using his shoulders…he is Mr. Silent and shall remain ever faithful as always with a Poker face.

He is immune to sledging.Which means no matter how much you criticise him,he shall steadfastly stay put in his chair.Our Opposition leader Mr Advani is almost on verge of retirement trying to sledge him but to no avail.

Now Iam sure there is nothing that should stop you from ADOPTING our PM and do away with changing your PMs as often as a newlywed mother changes the Nappies of her new born.

This is not all.

 We the people of India are also ready to SWAP our PM with your “Tsunamis and floods”

We the People of India sincerely feel and hope that your Natural Disasters shall be less of a Disaster to all of us...And being a Resilient Lot we can always do with small dose of disasters...

You will appreciate that for a Young Nation Like ours (only 65 years Old) it is too much to handle an Overwhelming Manmade Disaster called Manmohan Singh.

Looking forward to a long and lasting relationship for Mutual Benefit…If you feel our offer is slightly less attractive please be free to call or contact us..

In this age of BUY ONE get ONE FREE,We might even think of SUGAR COATING it a wee bit by adding a RAHUL GANDHI and a Digvijay Singh FREE with Manmohan Singh…

Hope you will consider our Proposal Favorably

Thanking you

We the People Of India

Feasting.

Post ShivRatri fast the first thing that came to my mind is why do we fast ?

"I'll fast today"I announce."Me Too" adds my daughter on an asthami day when my wife is fasting.

We are both excited about the fasting thing for the simple reason that when it comes to fasting,its more of feasting, with different dishes on table than a normal day.

Among us Gujaratis there is saying,"Gujarati ni aankh ne modhu saathe khule".Roughly translated it means:"Ours eyes and mouths open together first thing in the morning"

A Gujarati can't savor his morning tea without his theplas.

Wikipedia defines fasting as :Fasting is primarily an act of willing abstinence or reduction from certain or all food, drink, or both, for a period of time. An absolute fast is normally defined as abstinence from all food and liquid for a defined period, usually a single day (24 hours), or several days. Other fasts may be only partially restrictive, limiting particular foods or substances. The fast may also be intermittent in nature

Typically, religious fasting is undertaken with the purpose of going closer to God and one is expected to engage in spiritual pursuits and prayers. Also it is healthy to fast periodically as one grows older.

Some say,Fasting allegedly gives you miracle power.So,Next time you need a mountain moved, call a modeling agency to have them send over one of their girls to do the job.

Some preachers are so far gone they think personal sin doesn’t matter as long as they skip lunch the next day to show God how sorry they are till the next pretty dish comes along to tempt them.

In India with surfeit of Gods if we all started propitiating each of them we shall end up eating nothing all 365 days of the year.

Sometimes I ask myself a very simple question:Why did God give us teeth if chewing is such a sin? Why didn’t He just give us a gas tank like a car, so we could just go guzzle our dinner at Bharat Petroleum ?

Don’t dig your spiritual grave with your own teeth. Lay down your fork and pick up your straw.

Preachers tell you to at least fast till sunset. So what if you live up in Alaska where the sun doesn’t set in summer for months on end?  Does God expect you to kill yourself?

For me fasting has always been till the break fast.Or more often,that 10 minutes that missus takes in making the plates at the dining table.Those ten minutes are the longest time doing a penance of some sort.

Personally I have nothing against people doing their fasting. Morari Bapu who has been giving 9 day-long sermons (kathaas) in both Gujarati and Hindi all over the world—is strictly against fasting.He has in his many sermons mentioned that he himself does not fast for a single day in all 365 days except on Hanuman Jayanti.

But there are all kinds and its basically the religious strictures that have made this fasting thing so popular.Santoshi Mata movie did such a raving business in India and thereafter almost half of India went viral doing that Santoshi Mata Vrats on every Friday.

Personally I have nothing against such beliefs.I am more of "To each his own" kind of person.

I remember sometimes on a strict fast, I would raid that fridge midnight and gorge 6000 calories to make up for the 2000 calories I lost  not eating during the day light hours !!

Fasting is not restricted to the Hindus alone. All major religions have fasting in some form or the other. Christians fast during Lent and Muslims during the month of Ramzan.  Muslims are allowed to eat before sunrise and after sunset, but forgo even water during the day, which can be really tough since the month typically falls during summer. Jains have several ways of fasting too.

Do you feel that one can get closer to God only by fasting?

My mantra:Eat,drink and be merry...till gluttony do us apart.

F(e)asting through Feasting ;-)

Marinating ; Not Ageing

Birthdays are like life's little high fives that you survived another year.

A birthday can be seen as a serious or joyful time depending on one's age and one's attitude towards life. Another year has passed and we look back on failures and successes. We think about our goals for the future and reflect on the past year. These are all thoughts that may come up on a birthday, but the main thing is to use a birthday as an opportunity to celebrate life and be joyful for the chance to be with friends and family.

Some notables, particularly monarchs, have an official birthday on a fixed day of the year, which may not necessarily match the day of their birth, but on which celebrations are held.For Example:

Jesus Christ's Birthday is Celebrated as Christmas.

      

But I am no Jesus Christ and my birthday is on 14^th January, which coincidentally is a Makar Sankranti.

Makara Sankranti is one of the most auspicious occasions for the Hindus, and is celebrated in almost all parts of India.It is a harvest festival.

Makara means Capricorn Zodiac Sign and Sankranti means transition of the Sun from one zodiac sign to another. Thus Makar Sankranti is the day that marks the transition of the Sun into Makara rashi (Capricorn) on its celestial path.The day is also believed to mark the arrival of spring in India.

Makara Sankranti is a solar event making it perhaps the only Indian festival whose date always falls on the same day every year: 14 January, with some exceptions, when the festival is celebrated on 13 January or 15 January.

It’s hard to not connect birthdays to aging once you reach the mid-forties. Is that really how old I am?

They say,Age is just a number…and truly so..

A co-blogger who writes under his pseudo name Whatho describes the age very succinctly.

"The youngest atom in the body is more than a billion years old. Hydrogen, the most abundantly found element, is nearly 14 billion years old and was produced during the Big Bang. Carbon and oxygen atoms are between 7 and 10 billion years old. In other words, we are really really ancient. What’s another 20 or 46 or 72 years in this cosmic scheme of things?

Cells in our body die every second and new ones replace them. In a sense, we are re-created with each passing moment. A liver refreshes itself in 3 months. Taste buds in 2 weeks. The lung’s surface in 3 weeks. The heart refreshes 2-3 times over a lifetime. Cells in the intestine in 2 days. In fact, only our eyes are as old are we are, not undergoing transformation over time.

So we are made of ancient cosmic dust but renew ourselves in some cases as often as every 2 days and sometimes never?"

So how old did you say I was?

45 years?? 2days?? or14 billion years old??

Okay. Didn’t I say that age is just a number?

Birthdays for sure makes you nostalgic.

“Nostalgia is not very good news for the nostalgic. The elegy of age lies a layer below the surface, trying hard but unable to hide. As the present hurries along towards the future at its usual frenetic pace, the draw of the past persuades one to pause in contemplation, unredeemed by any practical definition of utility. But nostalgia is not the sadness of an end; it is search, melancholic maybe, for nuggets in the rubbish dump of time”.

Birthdays like new year resolutions are the season to take stock of your life, to reflect on what was, and the endlessly optimistic possibilities of what can be

Self-restraint, willpower and commitment are those annoyingly mocking adjectives that everybody else seem to embody except you yourself, which seemingly is really frustrating. But didn’t the great Aristotle say “We are what we repeatedly do”

So the resolution of this birthday:remain the way you are apart from a slight twitch here or there. Plan something doable since you can’t change yourself in one burst…If you haven’t succeeded in changing yourself all these years you won’t in future too…

Live life king-size…that being my mantra I am galloping into the future one year at a time…

Your Wishes and Blessings Solicited.

I am not Ageing,I am Marinating :-)

Happy Birthday to me.!!

My Kali Kills.

I completed my descent into cynicism,and I personally don't feel it can go further down.It reached such a rock bottom that even the Rupee called me up on my cell to ask as to how it feels being there at the bottom.

But frankly I am in no jovial mood today.Desperation is writ large all over my face.

I would there fore not crib today about all that is wrong with the society and country at large..

Today I will not crib as to why I live in a country where a girl called Nirbhaya (yes our politicos coined this word so that they are seen doing politically correct thing) is brutally gang raped,and who subsequently dies in the most gory fashion hitherto not seen or heard.As if that was enough our courts lets go a Juvenile with a simple three years imprisonment,just because he was under eighteen,but quiet capable of committing a gut wrenching crime.

While its okay appreciating the Junior Idols making a mark in India's Musical History,this Junior Rapist thing is beyond my humble comprehension.

Today I will not be cynical and accept lying down the fact that a photojournalist of 22 years is again gang raped at Shakti Mills in Mumbai by five people.They are apprehended and arrested.But I will still keep my fingers crossed for our legal system,our so called  fast track courts that have "drive slow" stickers all around them.

Today I will not enrage seeing men as besharam,brazen,cowards,hunting in packs.Gadaffis of Gang rape.

Today I will not shout from rooftop that we men have taken you for granted,lost you in the game of dice and disrobed you over 3000 years ago.

You all go crib,resent,get angry,aggrieved,ignite your candles,inscribe your petitions....I am sitting pretty cool.For I have reached the bottom of my cynicism.

Today frankly I am in no mood to lambaste our politicians for bringing this country to the brink of catastrophe.No I am not going to rue the fact that CAD is going out of hands,growth is at all time low.Corruption at all time high.

Today I am not going to outrage the fact that some Godman,in his wisdom molests a teenage and the law goes scurring around just to apprehend him for 10 long days...We as citizens deserve such Godmens..His Assholiness if you may permit.

We have become amoral,antiseptic,anarchic,illicit..."Sab thik thak hain"type of syndrome.

Today I will not outrage the fact,that we have lost our etiquette,Chivalry is Passe.Opening doors for woman has become so 16th century thing.Grace is just about extinct.

I can go on and on ....

But I have a different woman in mind,that gives me hope and optimism too...

"My Kali Kills,My Draupadi strips.My Sita Climbs on the lap of a stranger.All my women militate.They belittle Kings.Take in the Sun...

Go lady go..Take it upon yourself and thrash those idiots sitting there with what ever weapons you have..Take them headlong..Smash them,belittle them..Do it with all your might.

God helps them those who help themselves..

I am sure you all have within you...

Let my cynicism belied.

AMEN.

The Triangle that Unites India...Samosas.

I know many of you reading this blog, and Rakhi Sawant,love the monsoon rains. I am not a big fan of monsoon rains.Only time I loved this monsoon rains was when I was in school and the early morning heavy outburst would mean no school,and today I mostly love rains only when it pours in the morning,which effectively means I am not suppose to go to the Gym and can stay back and do some serious reading (which effectively means,when translated into Gujarati that I will spend time putting up idiotic status update on my Facebook page, troll on twitter, and interact with wimmens.)

Now when you think of monsoons the first thing that comes to mind,are two passionate lovers,drenched in water,wet sarees,sing a duet under an umbrella,oblivious of the rains.(Pyar hua iqraar hua )

The purpose of this blog is not to sing paeans about the monsoon rains and romanticism associated with it,but to consider the thought of Samosas that comes to mind with the first drizzle.

If you have been living in Calcutta (I  hate calling it Kolkotta) and if you have not heard of Tiwari"s Samosas it only means you’ve been living under a rock in some remote medieval outpost,where the only sound bites you heard were of Bhadraloks shouting hilsa fish and Mamata's Di"s tantrums.But the bhadraloks and general populace of Bengal still prefer calling it Singharas

I,for one,would like my singharas fillings heavily spiced (Tiwari's style),crust over fried,almost brownish.My daughters first crush with the Junk food was a samosa and she would only eat its crust and fillings were left for us parents to savor.

A samosa or samoosa is a fried or baked pastry with a savory filling, such as spiced potatoes, onions, peas, lentils, The size, shape and consistency may vary, but typically, they are distinctly triangular.

One great thing about samosas or singharas (U prefer) is its universal appeal.There is no such thing as authentic samosas.you have all sorts of it depending on the region.Eastern India has its fillings with mashed potatoes.Down south you find aloo free samosas.In Delhi they have invented a Bastardised form of samosas where the fillings might be anything from chowmein to babycorn, carrots, and even Maggi noodles(Chinese Samosa)

In Pakistan, they stuff them with heavily spiced meat.

The samosa has been a popular snack in the South Asia for centuries. It is believed to have originated in Middle East (where it is known as sambosa) prior to the 10th century. Abolfazl Beyhaqi (995-1077), an Iranian historian mentioned it in his history, Tarikh-e Beyhaghi.it was introduced to theArabian subcontinent in the 13th or 14th century by traders from the region.

Amir Khusro (1253–1325), a scholar and the royal poet of the Delhi Sultanate, wrote in around 1300 that the princes and nobles enjoyed the "samosa prepared from meat, ghee, onion and so on".

Ibn Battuta, the 14th-century traveller and explorer, describes a meal at the court of Muhammad bin Tughluq where the samushak or sambusak, a small pie stuffed with minced meat, almonds, pistachio, walnuts and spices, was served before the third course, of pulao.

Many otherwise rational people disdain street chowmein as tasteless, starchy junk; papri-chat is too sour for some, jalebis too sweet for others,pani puri to unhygienic  But everyone likes a samosa. They unite us.

Some Hygienic kind like their samosas baked.Saves calories.I even once tried ordering samosas at a five star joint once,but later on refrained since the menu card had some funny nomenclature for it:"baked pastry stuffed with lentils hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil soup that was gently simmered over the smouldering kisses of angels.”(Calorie conscious idiots...Ufff..)

Nako re baba...I'll rather stick to road side stuffed samosas.

Seriously if you ask me,its not Bankim Chandra Chatterjee"s Vande Matram or Rabindra Nath Tagore's Jana Gana Mana that has united the nation,but this Triangle called Samosas.

So this monsoon when billion people trudge to their work millions of samosas will sizzle in millions of kadhai,and millions will pass through those sizzling kadhai,with only thought in their mind,bunk work,and savor those samosas with garma garam chai,as the clouds gather.

One of them will be you,so what are you waiting for?

An Open Letter to my daughter...KHYATEE.

6th June 2013.

A sense of trepidation engulfs the atmosphere of our house.

All three of us,my wife me and my daughter,all nervous ,and all putting up a brave face.

I enter into my daughters room and tell her not to worry much about her ensuing board result.

She on her part ensures that nervousness is not writ large on her face,and says "I am OK dad"

That reassures me.

I am nervous too.Can't concentrate in my office. We all plan to see a movie "Yeh jawani Hai Diwani".

7th June 2013.The D day.

I wake up early. Khyatee takes her time to wake up.When she finally wakes up we both exchange our smiles and hide our anxieties.We both watch Tom and Jerry and some odd songs.

I called my office to inform not to disturb me till well unto 3 pm.Missus in her Prayer mode.I am pacing up and down my drawing room,finally as the clock struck 1 o'clock my wife announces that Khyatee Scores 94%

We all heave a sigh of relief and congratulatory messages started flying thick and fast.

Let me confess,I have been never so nervous before.Being in Business I take decisions in split seconds,big deals made without a hint of nervousness.But this one was different.

An Open letter to Khyatee..

Today is your day,my dear.

Even though you've been patient with all of my advice, please indulge me once more before you head off to graduate school. Over the next weeks and months, you will receive all kinds of congratulations and praise. And deservedly so. You’ll be congratulated for your academic record and acceptance at a top graduate school. You’ll be told you can achieve anything you want to achieve. 


A lot of things must be rushing  through your mind and must be producing mixed emotions.

You must be recalling those days of struggle -- the countless hours spent studying preparing projects, agonizing over possible test results -- and relief passes through you as you realize that they are finally over. 

You will miss your class rooms,your friends,your teachers.

The best thing I can do today is to share my perspective with you,which I have painstakingly gathered over a period of time,and learnt the hard way.

Stay Focused:Have a clear vision as to what you really want to do.Set your goals high.Don't indulge in picking low fruits.If you aim low you will find the  challenge insufficient and your efforts too shallow.Don't aim too high either.You may face difficulty in hitting your target and cause frustration.

The standards XI and XII will set the pace as to what you actually want to achieve in your life.The subjects you choose and the stream you follow must be those that interest you the most.Remember,every one is not cut out to be a Doctor,Engineer,or a MBA..

Pursue the subjects that makes your adrenaline rush faster.Just because some of your friends have chosen a particular subject should not be reason for you to bother.To each his own.

Once decided,go all out and thrash a deal with your own self:This is where I want to be.

You may, en route to your goal,require to revise your plan.change the strategy. Do it and stick steadfastly to it.Its never too late to change for better.

I have saved the best for last that you may remember it best: Always pray to God for guidance and strength in all your endeavors. No matter how well you plan and how hard you work, without His blessing, all will be in vain. 

Today,more specifically being your day ,I'll keep it short.I know you can do without a lecture,but being your Dad have done so nonetheless.

Today somehow the words seem to fail me...

A big Congratulations to you once again...

Dad.

.