Speech-Less

Speech Giving Has Never Been My Forte`.

But then no one asks me to give speeches,so to begin this blog with the caveat as above is redundant.

Who in their right mind would take such a big risk ?(Of Inviting Me)

But I love listening to speeches,especially the ones that you get to listen to during the speech seasons,(May-June) when the academic sessions come to an end and the youth starts graduating from one class to other/or when you see the making of Doctors,Engineers,MBAs .

Now,these Academic Institutes have a way to deliver degrees to the students,with lectures from high and mighty for the one last time before they arrive in the realm of everyday humdrum of their lives.

The Speakers are usually Politicians/Bureaucrats/CEO of  Business houses,depending on the standing such Institutes have in the Public Arena.

The Idea of this blog is not to bisect what they say during such lectures but to give a birds eye view of what I feel of the speeches they deliver...in a sense a feedback to all those who have taken upon their shoulders to LECTURE the FUTURE GENERATION.

Here are my two bits  :

Let me Begin with the Politicians:

Sir,Namaste ji.Tea ? Coffee ? No ? Okay...We all were really impressed with your speech in which spent approximately 50% of your time invoking the great deeds done by our great leaders,Mahatma Gandhi,Nehru ji and others,and quoted them extempore..How they all fought to gain the freedom for this country.We were all also impressed when u said that you have immense faith in the YOUTH of this Nation.

Impressed.

Our egos bloated.You want us all to work for the good of this Country.

Fine.

But  when we step onto the realm of this world we see nothing moving.Politics is just strict NO NO since our forefathers or for that matter our fathers were never ever remotely connected to any thing Political.Unless and until we have two generations wholly ingrained in the Business of Politics, we are disqualified to serve this nation with the education degrees we hold so reverently.

Your sugarcoated pious sermons fall flat in the face of the reality which you all have collectively created to suit your own selfish ends.

You also failed to inform us,Sir,that Nephews and Sons-in-Laws play important part in decision making and it is they and only they who are eligible to increase their net worth by 5000% in flat 5 years and without any sort of help from even God Almighty.

All Banana.No Republic

Your speech disheartened us Sir,but we"ll still offer you that Tea, Sir.

I am truly disappointed to invoke Mark Twain,but shall do so nonetheless:

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them"

Bureaucrats:

Thank you Sir,for being in time just to deliver the speech which your two undersecretaries prepared burning the mid night lamp while you were busy discussing the Industrial Policy of the nation in some posh Gymkhana Club over Single malt Whisky and Reshmi Kababs. We appreciate your time and genuine concern to address us all newbies who are going to take over the mantle of this country,some as doctors,engineers, entrepreneurs.

We all loved the topic of ethic and integrity which you invoked in your speech. You liberally quoted the virtues of punctuality and hard work.We also loved the way you felt about how the Corruption is eating into the very fiber of this country and has been all pervasive.We also were impressed to hear that how a YOUNG INDIA can work wonders if and only if there is genuine try for doing what you love to do best. (A la 3 Idiot style).You also highlighted the fact that how widespread entrepreneurship helps in creating millions of Jobs this country badly needs.

Blah Blah Blah

*SLOW CLAP*

But Sir,as you are truly engrossed in your day to work,and since the mantle of the whole ministry revolves round you and you also have to take care of that *EXTRA* curricular activity that your Mantriji wants you to do (Like checking whether mantriji's wife got right car for her shopping and whether his son who checked at the discotheque last night is back home safely without molesting a girl or two),you have possibly missed a point or two ..

Let me take this opportunity to remind you what all u missed:

You missed telling us all that how many applications will you require in triplicate for a simple work license that we need to start a simple industry.You also missed telling us that "Single Window Clearance" was a concept initiated by some Over Enthusiast Babu while he was in an inebriated state and was overwhelmed by his desire to please the foreign investors,but in effect when translated into Hindi it means that "you all are morons that nothing moves unless the palms are greased sufficiently"

You also missed giving us the "Rate Card" for different work and indefinite time limit that your ministry takes since the said application has to be vetted by at least three undersecretaries and their peons and at least two cats and dogs of mantriji who are *expert* in all things under the Sun.And that each ones opinion has a price tag.

We are disheartened again, Sir,

Much as I would love not to invoke Dale Carnegie,I am forced to do so Sir,with a heavy heart.

"There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave"

You Fail Us All.Sir.

And Finally the CEO of a hugely Successful Family Run Business:

Respected Sir,You've been our role models from the day we started scribbling A B C D in our nursery classes. We've read about you all that is available there and how you started your work from a scratch and today are at the helm.A truly Rags to Riches story.

You in your speech delved mostly on professional work ethics and how the birth of an individual in a particular family is not important but only the hard work and will to succeed is important.

We also heard you say that the Future of this country is in our hands.

How if we apply our brains properly sky is the limit.

But in your enthusiasm,here's what you missed out:

You failed to informed us all how your great grand father groomed your dad and you in turn your son who shall be the future CEO of your company,who is busy doing his MBA in some fancy University in Timbuktu and and is getting his apprenticeship done in some Las Vegas Casino.

You failed to inform us names with detailed telephone nos of your bed-fellows,who all helped you getting those lucrative contracts for pea nuts while you kept their coffers brimming.You also failed to inform us that "money and milk of human kindness does not gel well"

What we all needed,Sir,was a trick or two to circumvent the ways to get the things done,that I am sure is no where in the course books.

In Indian Context,Sir we all feel that there should be a full fledged chapter on it of 100 Marks.

You disappointed us all Sir....

Much as I would not like to invoke Mahatma Gandhi,Sir,but deem it necessary to do so.

"We do not need to proselytise either by our speech or by our writing. We can only do so really with our lives. Let our lives be open books for all to study"

Apart from the above some minute inadvertent hiccups, over all the speeches were all good and we are all very sure that it will make us all good human beings...

May be,next year round you will be more forthright and true to your own selves...

Or Else the said academic institutes may think of calling a Rakhi Sawant or a Tushar Kapoor to give the speeches.Won"t know about the contents but at least they will be HONEST...

Thank You all Sirs,Once Again.

You all make us and our country proud...

Sincerely Yours...

FORGET ME NOT

How Often one does outrages one’s OWN TRUE  NATURE…

When it’s all in a family, things get so much easier…and You all are a Family..

Now since it’s all in the family, let me confess that I belong to the Memory Challenged  Club,

Once, Long ago I had sharp memory, which has decided to retire to the Southern Hemisphere of my brain to an obscure village where in there are no phones…

You just give a blind stare to someone at a marriage ceremony and  promptly fail to figure out who the hell He/She is…and it turns out that she’s your aunty who you have not met since ages, and she is the living encyclopedia on the Earth ,knowing each tit bits about you…*Awkward Moment*.

God in his wisdom, when HE created me, was not in his best of moods, or may be had that brawl with better half, which left him stunned and stoned and he was not at all paying attention to my creation…specially the Cranium Part…

Or else how do you explain my sudden fits of memory loss…more often going on long vacations…

Many a times it(the name) is poised on the tip of my tongue…I struggle to remember, and hey presto!!! Next minute it’s not even lurking in the remotest corner of my spleen….PHEW……….

You tell me to relate instances of yore days ,when I was still a child and I will possibly relate the experiences extempore, ask me to remember the name of my next door neighbor or a business associate with whom I interact on a regular basis, and I am blank…

Not to talk of keys, wallets, mobiles, debit cards, driving license, glares and Specs etc.. Which I am wont to forget and the whole Universe comes Crashing down.

I call someone on phone and forget who the hell I am calling in the first place, the phone at the other end gets picked up and I am aghast….how do I start conversation without knowing who did I call for that matter..!!!

It still is a mystery to me and even to the God who created me how on earth did I get through those History lessons, where they asked when was Akbar Born and in which year the Battle of Plessey was fought..

And Songs, now please don’t even mention it…I love songs and music and all that…but don’t even bother to hear me sing with right lyrics…my wife and daughter tell me to even sing slowly, in low volume even in my bathroom, lest the lyrics writer might commit a hara-kiri, but not  before they both tumble down in agony!!!!!!!.

“It stands to reason that as you approach the final portion of life your brain becomes overstuffed with education, business acumen, sports stats, the latest Income Tax Act and Company’s law with Myriad sections and subsections and trivia, trivia, trivia. There can be room for only so much in a single cranium and when you go to squeeze something additional in, especially something as mundane as where you put the TV remote or such other things often get temporarily displaced”So says the Psychologists….

A possible answer to this over-stuffed brain problem is suggested by comedian Steve Martin in a 1998 New Yorker magazine article: “One solution for older men is to take all the superfluous data swirling around in the brain and download it into the newly large stomach, where there is plenty of room. This frees the brain to house more relevant information, like the particularly troublesome ‘days of the week.’” 

Not very practical, but at this point I would be willing to try anything. The amount of Girth I have around my Stomach,I possibly can intake not only my Brains's overstuffed trivia but of possibly half the neighborhood's brains stuff....!!!!!!!!

We are introduced to lovable but forgetful characters early in life. The beloved bear, Winnie the Pooh, had a bad memory. Forgetful Jones, a cowboy who can’t remember, appeared in many Muppet’s TV episodes and movies. Dory, one of the main characters in the hugely popular animated film Finding Nemo, can’t remember if she’s coming or going.This and other such instances give a solace to my life…that its not the age but even children suffer from such idiosyncrasies…

Juveniles of all ages have laughed at substance-induced forgetfulness…New phrases about forgetting have made their way into our vernacular – having a senior moment, a menopause moment,

The Young ones have a new lingo on forgetfulness…….There are text message abbreviations for not being able to remember, like CRAFT (can’t remember a freaking thing) and CRS (can’t remember s*#t), so it’s not just us older folks who have trouble remembering. 

P.G Wodehouse’s Goofy, aristocratic Bertie Wooster had the incomparable Jeeves to pull him out of scrapes,make him magical cures for hangover,lay out his clothes,serve his meals and tell what "hoochie coocher" meant."One of those demotic American worders for ardent spirit".

Some like me are not blessed with dream character like Jeeves and his Jeevesian Perfection.

Missus being privy to my predicament,gets philosophical:

“Your dementia is child like and harmless but what about the whole lot of Political class who've forgot to Rule and Govern,

The judiciary is in mess and forgets to judiciously decide cases,

Police  forgets to protect,

Teachers’s have forgotten to teach sincerely,

Doctors have forgotten to treat patients  right with smile and care,

Our Parliament forgets to function and legislate,

Our Society as a whole forgets to Treat Women Right

 Above all our Citizens also forgets to VOTE for the right candidate…”

Hmm….Point Taken Madameji….

And I added my two bits tooo...

Ekta Kapoor forgets to END her Saas Bahu Serials…and Bade Ache Lagte hain….

Rakhi Sawant forgets to control her tantrums……

The list is endless…..

Now before I forget to end this blog ………..

Cheerio………..

Don’t forget to add your comments, all those especially not suffering from dementia…..or else I may go find an appropriate impregnable wall to bang my head on………..

Wait. Wait….Now Where’s the Wall……….!!!!!!!!!:-))))))

Love At First Sight....

It was almost same time last year….

I saw her for the first time at a friend’s office and it was almost instant Love at First Sight…

We were introduced to each other through a common friend,I just couldn’t take my eyes of her…

Colourful, Vivacious, Bright and Beautiful, Curvaceous, with lots of IQ and Memory.

I wanted her and possibly no power on this earth could stop me.I was hell bent on Marrying her and Adore my Newly Built Office.My Friend ,Philosopher and Guide.Bold and Beautiful…Silvery Eyed and Silvery Coloured…

My fascination for colour Silver Knows no Bound.From my Car to my Scooter to my Office’s Interior.You’ll find that tinge of Silver everywhere,and not to mention my Business of Silver too.

I vividly remember. It was 6^th of May, last year, the Auspicious Day of Akshay Trithiya when this Love of Mine,yes my Sony Vaio Laptop,All Silvery was Delivered to me in a beautifully packed bag
.
I fondled with her and all those who laid their eyes on her were all appreciative of my choice and sang eulogies in her praise.

She was in a sense my new Love. A Newly found girlfriend.
.

And ,Yes I treated her like one…Draped her in beautiful covers,  Gave her the latest anti-virus software. Designer Screensavers. And I was Monogamous to a fault. I never had another Laptop as Standby. And I trusted her so implicitly I never even backed up. I pampered her with regular defragmentation treatments. And I was always attentive to her needs. I tried my best to make sure she was never left turned on -- although often, after I was done, I’d want nothing more than to just roll over and go to sleep. But I’d lovingly wait till all her processes were finished before gently shutting her down for the night.

And then she goes and does this? We were together barely over a year. Did she feel I was neglecting her lately? Did she overhear me say I was thinking of getting a BlackBerry? Oh No…I Already Had One…Maybe she felt ignored. But Why, Why Why????????

One Fine Morning the Moment I went to Bring her to Life and she would refuse to Illuminate,Wouldn’t start.I possibly missed a Heart Bit or two.What on the Earth went wrong??? You don’t need to Start the Day Screaming, Panting and Puffing,But here’s my Love who would go Blank Unannounced.

I Know the tantrums of Newly found Girl Friends.But then You always made up,but not this time.I Immediately went overboard.Calling the Best Hardware/Software Engineers in town.I can Multitask and people say  I perform best in crisis.But who needs a Crisis of This Proportion.Why On Earth something of this kind should happen to a Lover Boy like me.Did I hurt her feelings,possibly unknowingly and was that such a Bad experience for her that she just refuses to come to Life.

Thirty minutes into Crisis and comes the final announcement by the Hardware Engineers from Sony Corpn.

“Sir, The Mother Board has crashed”

I Rolled my eyes in Disbelief till the sockets almost came out….”What" I Exclaimed….

‘You Must be Nuts”…We Have barely started our Life Together and Now you say that the Mother Board has Crashed” You Must be a Dumb that those Institutions called Engineering Colleges Throw out every four years” IT Paradaemics. Useless Morons.

He could sense my anger and very patiently explained me that such things happen and would not take him more than a Week to replace the mother board and things will be back to Normal and you can then Live Happily Ever after.

I saw him taking away my life with him nonchalantly.It was one of those rare sights which Possibly I would avoid seeing in my life,waving me “Bye Sir, One Week Only”

I tweeted,I updated my FB Status and explained the Agony to my friends I was going through,I got six LIKES and Eleven Comments some cracking farcical jokes at my expense and others soothing me with comments like “ Bhagwan Aisa Dukh Kisi Ko Na De”

And Now I am without my Love. A week is a Long time.Ask any love birds, but then you got to live with it.

Seven days,Turned into twelv,and every time I grumble,you are greeted with those Monotonous Back Office Shit talking Girl who’d explain why it could not be delivered in time.

And if you think that the Malaise ends here,you and I are both sadly mistaken.

Next day around it was my Black Berry.It slips out of my hand unannounced and Dead it goes.Phew….Felt like tearing every bit of thin hairs left on my head,but decided against it.

Few frantic calls from my land phone to known people,all in vain.

So here I am,No BB,No Laptop.And did I sleep peacefully.Nah....

Next morning I am wide awake and kicking,all my connections explored,finally a ray of Hope.The Hardware fellow says can do it in Flat two hours.

God has been kind to me,as often he is,and Yes the Software was Formatted, data Lost and Thereafter Recovered Since my BB comes with Some Software called Blackberry Protect,Which did the needful.Smart Phone I say.

But in all this hurly burly and much heart ache a Pertinent Question began to Haunt me :

The Modern Fascination for New Technologies makes me think what Henry Dravid Thoreau said: “Our Inventions are wont to be Pretty Toys, which distract our attention from serious things”

Neil Postman American Educator and Media Theorist is of the opinion that one of the dangers of New Technologies is that they become Myth-Like and assume status they don’t deserve, and we come to Idolize them in an Unthinking Manner….

The WWW…The World Wide Web,plethora of information,those social platforms,Tweeter,Facebook.etc etc etc…..

First thing that a person does when he wakes up in the morning is to check the number of Likes and Comments on his FB Updates and Mentions and RTs on his Twitter update,the more the better.It massages our Egos.

We are drowning in a Glut of information fed by technology, but what we lack today is the Narrative, the loom that allows us to knit together.

We are living in a Virtual World.Even friends and girlfriends are bereft of that soft touch, a caring touch,that all makes us more Humane,it’s all on the NET,sometimes REAL and More often than not FAKE.

What we all need is that “Idleness”, that “Spare” Time,to think to introspect, to listen to that distant humming bird,to appreciate that Scarlet Tangerine Colored Joy of that Rising Sunshine.That Enchanted wet mornings, as if star light have fallen into glistening rain drops.

“Dance me on sand to the rhythm of ocean waves, waltz me to the edges of a scarlet-amber sunset, and jig me in circles to a wild gypsy fiddle.” No ways. We have forgotten our Poems.

We are all engrossed,in heaps of Information.Mostly Unnecessary.

Let us all come out of this.Take that course of “DIGITAL DIET”,a SABATTICAL FROM WWW.

MAY BE WE WILL SEE THE BEAUTY OF OUR LIVES ONCE AGAIN ….

In the meantime my BB comes to life at the odd hours.Just to inform me that my LONG Lost Love is all kicking and has come to life and all set to embrace me all over again.

I am ready to welcome her with my open arms.

And here she is,Adoring my table top, vivacious and bubbly as ever.My Sony VAIO.

How I missed you, My Dear…..

Now all you there, if you wish to ignore this post of mine, be free to do it,If you want to listen to that bird song in your backyard or smell that sweet little Lilly,go ahead,you can comment or appreciate this post some other day.

There are lots and lots of *Idiotic Morons* like me on this WWW Masquerading as Bloggers.

Lots of Love and Love my Lappy Too !!

.

How Times Fly...My Daughter Khyatee.........

How TIMES Fly…

It seems only like the other day when I would Secure her hands and take her to her School…in KG 1

Now she has already reached Standard 1X…

A girl who would always turn to us and seek advice and now she grown up to be an Independent, Intelligent Little Enfant Terrible…

It was only during the recent 10^th Annual Day Function did I fathom That my “Child “ has Grown up when I closely watched her performing Bharatnatyam Dance during her School Functions…

One more year and she crosses her first Milepost that we all so reverently refer to as Standard X.

Do I miss her Childhood??????????

Certainly, YES…

Have I been a good Parent ….The Answer to that Question definitely lies in the Womb of the Future when she presents herself as the Girl to the Real World…

As per my Part or should I say OUR part we have done our best. (Credit goes more to my better half that is for sure ) I have hidden myself many a times in that Crappy World of Busyness where a Single word “ I am busy “atoned for all the Sins…And Her mom would do the Rest…

Here I recollect having read a Letter from King to His daughter which I cherished a Lot …The words are his but the thoughts are mine too…

“Whenever you need Me, you can walk right into My heavenly courts. I always will have time for you, My lovely princess. When I see the temple doors swing open, I just delight hearing the pitter-patter of your feet as you enter the grand hall. I have been waiting for you. I so want to listen to you share what is on your mind. When you need help, ask. I have wisdom to give to you. If you are afraid, come, I will protect you. When you need to rest, seek Me, I long to bring you into My peace.

Walk in assurance, knowing you belong to Me. Everything you ever need will be provided for you. Know that I, The King of Kings, will always let you, my precious daughter, receive the best I have to give. Allow me to lavish my time and treasures on you, my sweet Princess! You bring such joy to My heart!”

You amaze me, My dear Khyatee, You teach me. You have taught me more about what unconditional love is. It’s given me a firsthand glimmer of how God must feel toward us. I am a better person because of you, so thank you

 I know where your bruises are, and I how you got many of them. I know the scar on your eyebrow, while hoping it will fade. I know that when you hurt your head that it feels better after you put your head to mine. I know the sound of your laugh better than I know my own. I know the smell of your breath when you wake up. I know what helps you fall asleep. I know the way you fit so snugly in my arms. I know your tears and what they mean. 

My Little Khyatee, I love your growing up though in my hearts of heart I still feel your “Childishness” should never abandon you…

The Very Thought of Sending you away even for Studies sends shivers up my spine and would spend many a sleepless night….

My Child, My Brat…My Enfant Terrible…Be As Close as Possible….

Love could manifest in various ways…but I love the way u get your things done though me in your own little ways…Thanks for also teaching me to Stand Patient while I am Shopping…You are my best mentor and have helped me dress better…I ,Who would Rush out of the Showroom in Flat 15 mins ,you have always hold the Fort and done your bit and seen me through the whole process of buying Judiciously…You have patiently taken those tantrums of mine and taught me to RELAX….

Now Since I have written so much in your Praise if you expect me to BUY a New Mobile for you as Soon As you Want it, you are sadly mistaken my Dear….Since Now I am going to take years before you could have a New One……

HEHEHEHE……There u go ….Into my Trap…..

Love you.......Paaaaaa......

Charley Reese's Final Column For the Orlando Sentinel....

It is rare that I Share on my Blog page something that is interesting but belongs to someone else.
But for this one I had to make an exception... my friend @Manoj Jangid visited me and while discussing other things he discussed me about this particular email and wanted me to go through it... As per his version this one was a real Bombshell and we should all share it

..He immediatly wanted to share it with me but then when he took hold of my Laptop and Hey Presto !!!!! The Bsnl broadband would not budge...we tried and tried till the cows came home but to no avail...exasperated and dissappointed we shifted our focus to Badam Ice Cream shake and continued with our myriad discussions from business to politics...
Next day received his mail ..I read and re read and thought of sharing it with you all...

Here goes the email which is as much relevant in USA as it is in India and other Parts of the World ,since God in his Wisdom has decided to to Paint all the Politicians with the same Brush....You've seen them ONE and You've seen them ALL....

Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel... He has been a journalist for 49 years. He is retiring and this is HIS LAST COLUMN. This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-republican or democrat. Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. Worth the time. Worth remembering! 545 vs. 300,000,000 People -By Charlie Reese Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them. Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits? Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes? You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does. You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does. You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does. You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does. You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does. One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank. I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes. Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The President can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the Housenow? He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to. It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist. If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair. If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ... If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems. Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do. Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible. They, and they alone, have the power. They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses. Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees... We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess! Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper. What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you. This might be funny if it weren't so true. Be sure to read all the way to the end: Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table, At which he's fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts anyway! Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid... Put these words Upon his tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom...' When he's gone, Do not relax, Its time to apply The inheritance tax. Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Excise Taxes Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon) Gross Receipts Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Personal Property Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service Charge Tax Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax Recreational Vehicle Tax Sales Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom, if agreed,stayed home to raise the kids. What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' I hope this goes around THE USA and INDIA at least 545 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!! GO AHEAD. . . BE AN AMERICAN!!! BE AN INDIAN!!!

 

 

 

 

 

“Tiger “Pataudi …You Just Can’t Go Extinct

Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi the last Nawab of the Village Pataudi leaves for his heavenly abode…

There is certain rare species that do not “LEAVE” Per se...

My Memories of Tiger are etched in my childhood stories that my dad told and retold me about this great batsman and until I myself started following cricket and had the honor of following his batting while still a young lad and let me add here that it was my misfortune that by the time I became a full fledged cricket lover this Gentlemen of the game had retired.

My close encounter with this Rare Tiger was in Calcutta ( I still Hate Kolkata) at Oberoi when during 1974-1975 Test series I had a just tertiary glance at him while he was boarding his Bus to Eden Gardens.

He was one such cricketer who took cricket to a different pedestal and if today it still is called Gentlemen’s game it’s because of legacy of person like him

I would not delve here on his batting abilities and cricketing score since that is a different ball game and many of us either know it or have heard it from many sources...

What he taught the Indian team was the ART of winning, how not to fear the pace, aggression and achieved all this with JUST ONE EYE...

When Captaincy was almost thrust upon him during West Indies tour he single handedly brought the concept of “Winning “in the lexicon of Indian Cricket Team

What he brought to the table or should I say cricket ground the Management theory which says “You have to make most of the resources you have and use it as a winning combination “

He knew that India’s strength lies in its “Spinners” and what we lacked was the fiery pace attack of Australia and West Indies...The Body line concept of England was in its full throttle...

Like a Management Guru which he definitely had in his Genes he knew it is impossible grow to Good Brazilian Coffee beans in Punjab no matter how hard u tried. He knew he has to use the spinners to his advantage.

The “FEARSOME FOURSOME” Which he had in Bishen Bedi,Chandrasekhar ,Prasanna and Venkataraghvan were his weapons of Mass Destruction..Not to Belittle the Solkar who was almost indispensable at short square leg to take every ball that crossed his way no matter if the ball was even a millimeter above the ground.

He himself an astute fielder of the Cover region and the best compliment he got then was from an English Commentator who then said that when Pataudi is fielding there is almost a CURFEW like situation in Covers..Can’t get better than this BOSS...

Chandu Borde goes on to say “As a fielder, his numbness was akin to Cheetah”s.Just when u thought the ball would cross the boundary line, he would accelerate his sprint and prevent the four before the ball reaches the rope"

Coming from a Royal Family he had no tantrums or highhandedness that is normally associated with Royalty..He was humble to the core, we have heard people wearing humility on their sleeves but here was a Gentlemen “With whom Humility was a Whole Dress Code”


His love for Music knew no bounds .His love for flute was enormous and has played It with Ustad Amjad Ali Khan, No wonder Saif is a good guitar player …it’s all there…Genes…of course..

Here I say is One Tiger that won’t require an Aircel Ad or a Government sponsored programmers to announce SAVE TIGER from being extinct…


Here is a Tiger which shall ROAR for Time Immemorial…


Here is a Tiger whose Pug Marks shall be felt on Cricketing fields and on Cricket Lovers Psyche for all times to come…


Here is a Tiger who shall be remembered for ever for his deeds both off and on the field who has nothing to do with Man-eater qualities that goes with it…


I am reminded here of Billy Joels Line (Song)


Today I am your champion,


I may have won your hearts,


But I know the game,


You will forget my name…


NO, NO NO NO… We won’t forget you MAK


A Tiger of Rare Specie like yours does never Go EXTINCT….


Your Physical Absence NOTWITHSTANDING

R I P

(Intention of this piece is not to write an OBITUARY…A small fry like me wouldn’t dare to attempt even. For greatness of Pataudi can FOREVER ELUDE Obituaries, that is for sure)

OUTSOURCING

Today being Sunday,Not my usual Work Day OFF.Since I have my
Sundays on Wednesdays that is my day off….Whoever thought to keep offices closed on Wednesdays must be a Moron since Sundays are Sundays and no other day can match its Efficiency,Laziness and PUNCH....!!!!!!!!!!

I have my day off today since it is Ganesh Visarjan …The air is filled with" Ganpati Bapa Moriya Purchya Varshi Laukar ya…Festive mood and Ganpati being seen off with Bhangra ,Garba ,Munni badnam hui and Sheila ki jawani…Vighnahartha that he is …he takes things in his strides…To come again next year may with new gusto and new enthusiasm…

My Wifey thinks at times out of box …and most of the time I happily get entrapped into one of her boxes…sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly….but lovingly of course..!!!!!

She begins her morning discussion at breakfast table on Outsourcing…I am aghast and wide eyed…Why on the earth should one discuss Outsourcing in the first place and neither me nor she has anything to do with the IT worlds ..She being Housewife and I a simple Business men remotely connected to IT world save apart my fascination for Computers and Blackberry…

Outsourcing is when a company contracts with an outside provider for services or other business processes, rather than employing staff to do these services in-house. These services may be provided on-site or off-site. Typically outsourcing is done with an eye toward efficiency and cost-saving for the company.

She Suggest that we Outsource her today’s work to an outside agency..When asked to expand the subject and come clearer..she suggested that we order our lunch from some best hotels in town…so that she is spared her usual chores for a day…Fine I said…Change for better I said…( Breakfast was already outsourced ) ..Lunch was outsourced too.....

In continuing the topic of Outsourcing she explains me that the real reason for Outsourcing is that the Person concerned is left with free time and therefore can think more Creatively….Good, Not Bad …I agreed…and nodded my head in unison… (Only with a wish and Pray that someday I would also think of Outsourcing my work to someone else  ...But immediately decided against it .since it is easily said that done)

Post Lunch..The mother daughter duo comes up with another suggestion on Outsourcing...How about asking the BIG CINEMAS to take care of our entertainment??????????? In their matter of fact manner…

Damn if you do and Damn if you don’t (I uttered to myself)

Today we are absolutely free. Might as well do with some Real Time Entertainment…Last time when u suggested us” Singham” we denied for the simple reason that it was a FASTING SRAVAN MONDAY and for us to stay alive in the movie without the usual Popcorns and Samosas was tough …And since we had hurt your feelings then and denied You an entertainment that day and which you so rightly deserve it would be just appropriate for us to take care of Your Sentiments NOW (HOW GENEROUS!!!!!!!!!)

So, Here, Goes the Third Outsourcing Idea of the Day……

Back Home I Just queried whether Her Creativity grew up by few notches with outsourcing done and over…

Sure thing” She Says…I have just come up with a bright Idea.  Now this was Our Sunday which we all made most of it and Happily too …Next Sunday ,that is your Wednesday Which is only  two days away “WE SHALL REPEAT THE OUTSOURCING PROCESS ALL OVER AGAIN”

ARGHHHHH……….GAH……………#ALMOST FAINTS#